A letter to Granny Heaven

In those years when you did not have enough to eat and wear, you endured hardships and insisted on sending your children out of the mountains, making them into society and becoming useful talents for the country. Now it is time to enjoy happiness, but you are with us both in yin and yang.   All are intoxicated by day and night, all belong to this quiet land. No longer can you see the figure waiting for us to go home on the alkali bank, and there are no more cheerful smiles from the children in the yard.. I never went to the place we call’ volcano’ with my cousin again. In front of us, this cave has become heartbreaking. In the face of your body, we are crying like rain and beating our chests and feet..     Every cry and every drop of tears are endless nostalgia for you. You fought against the disease in this dilapidated cave for 14 spring and autumn periods. For 14 years, you have been alone on the heatable adobe sleeping platform, looking forward to our early growth.     I know that happiness always passes you by, but death threatens you again and again, and you have no panic, no resentment, just gathering our love and thoughts into one force.   So, you have walked through seventy-seven years of spring and autumn.     On the third day of the year, at three o’clock in the morning, you had a presentiment that death was coming. You are too afraid to lose us, but we are so far away from you. You asked grandpa to feed you a few eggs soup, and then you said goodbye to the world in a hurry and forever.. The last thing you see in this world is not our junior, nor a doctor, but our beloved grandfather..     Grandma! You always think too much for others and think too little for yourself, but you often don’t get the understanding of a few people … Ah, remember how many times you wept and became more serious, paler than ever, and more rapid in breathing, almost taken away by death without mercy..     In those days when you did not have enough to eat and wear warm clothes, you endured hardships and insisted on sending your children out of the mountains so that they could be put into society and become useful talents for the country. Now it is time for you to enjoy happiness, but you are with us both in yin and yang.     You don’t know, we are so fragile and so painful in front of your hall today. But you’ve been lying in peace like that all the time.   Remember when we were very young, you personally cooked tea leaves and eggs for us. Remember you pointed at the gold earring on your ear and said to me, ” Hao, when you grow up and marry your daughter – in – law, grandma will give this to your daughter – in – law.”! Remember when I often cuddled up in your arms and listened to your story . ah, grandma, why did you walk so suddenly and you endured the pain for 14 years. In the past 14 years, how many times has illness robbed you of your happiness. You’ve always endured it all by yourself. Why can’t you wait for us now?? I know I’m late. I know, Grandma, I won’t see you again!     In your seventy-seven years, you have suffered a lot of pain that ordinary people can’t bear, but you are so strong and brave. You have never been to the provincial capital or the county seat in your life, nor have you enjoyed the beautiful material life outside the mountain. Every time you are seriously ill, your first sentence is: loathe to leave you!     When I was 14 years old, I went back to my hometown to visit you and grandpa. At that time, many members of our Zhang family gathered in this cave cave from all directions. You forcibly moved to me and my brother. Two lines of tears in your eyes flowed into our hearts.. You stroked the heads of our grandchildren and said, ” I’m old and you have less time to go home. You don’t know how much grandma wants to be like other people’s grandma. You can show off in the village with you every day, feed you every day, and … ah … even …” Your voice becomes choked up. ”. I know how heavy your heart was then. It’s just a simple wish, but how much hope and tears do you need to exchange for our temporary holiday.     Grandma, can you put on that sweater for me today? Grandma, can our younger generation sit on the heatable adobe sleeping platform again to listen to your old stories?     I know all this is impossible, because you left us forever. In the mood of missing and caring, you have become a moon, illuminating our way forward forever and watching us fall and climb, struggle and succeed every time..     Grandma, I hope I can still be your grandson in the next life. I will serve your old man’s house well in the next life, and I won’t let you suffer any more injustice, and won’t let you cry secretly behind our backs.!   Grandma would like you to go all the way!     ( Selected as the Best Works by Creative Writing Network; Published in Responsible Editor of Linzhou Literature: Chloe